Let’s get this out of the way first: Cari is an absolute legend. I don’t mean in the exaggerated Internet way, like “oh my god slay queen” (although, yes, also that), I mean in the "get-you-down-a-windswept-cliff-path-without-dying" kind of way. Which, it turns out, is a vital skill when visiting Paviland Cave in South Wales.
But back up a bit. Why South Wales? Why caves? Why am I dusting bone particles out of my boots?
Easy. I was in Swansea visiting Cari—yes, the Cari, from the Raynor and Cari Show on Big Ear Radio, which I may or may not be a tiny bit obsessed with. (I literally made her sign my phone case. Twice.) Cari’s birthday was coming up, and I wanted to hang out somewhere legendary, spooky, and mildly dangerous. Naturally, she picked a Neolithic cave once home to the Red Lady of Paviland — who, plot twist, was actually a man. Classic misdirection. 10,000-year-old gender confusion? On-brand for the universe.
We set off early, armed with sandwiches, a questionable OS map, and Cari’s magical ability to make Welsh weather behave. After a rambling walk across sheep-studded clifftops, we finally reached the edge: the mouth of the cave, yawning open like it was mid-scream. And yes, I took so many photos, one of which may or may not contain an unexplained light anomaly that I’m 87% sure is the ghost of a prehistoric shaman giving me side-eye.
Inside, it was damp, echoey, and totally atmospheric. You could feel the history — or maybe that was just my shorts soaking through. Either way, I was loving it. Cari, meanwhile, was telling me about the burial, the beads, the mammoth bones, and making it all sound like a bedtime story for nerdy goth kids. I was enchanted. Also cold. But enchanted.
We climbed back up (Cari like a mountain goat, me like a gremlin clinging to tree roots), and made our way to the local pub, where she was greeted like royalty. I had the best pint of my life, possibly just because I’d earned it with minor cardio. We toasted her birthday, the Red Lady, and surviving slippery footpaths with dignity mostly intact.
Cari, if you’re reading this (and you’d better be), you are the warmest, wisest, most unflappable person I know, and spending the day with you was the highlight of my entire month. You made Paviland feel like home. With a side of ancient skeletons.
Happy Birthday, Cari. May your year be full of music, mischief, and more caves.
(But maybe less mud.)
